Oh That Fox...

   The Quick Brown Fox Jumps Over the Lazy Dog.  You've probably seen that sentence a thousand times.  It's used all over the place as the quintessential test sentence for fonts in programs like Microsoft Word.  But do you know why it's such a widely-used sentence?  Do you understand the deep, dark secrets of what this sentence really brings to the table?  Did you know that that simple, understated sentence actually contains every single letter of the freakin' alphabet?
   Well shut up, because I didn't.
   Until recently, that is.  I was in the shower, kinda like in that Windows 7 commercial, when I ran through the painstaking process of making sure every letter was accounted for.  Sure enough, they're all there, in glorious fashion.
   So my question is, what genius came up with that sentence?  Did they task one lowly dude with that incredibly dauting challenge: come up with a simple, easy to read sentence... THAT CONTAINS EVERY LETTER IN THE ALPHABET.  Oh snap.  Well, whoever it is, the guy deserves a metal, because that's brilliant.  Seriously, I made this realization last weekend and I'm still freakin' out about it!
   And just for good measure, here's a video of a quick brown fox jumping over a lazy ass dog.

Le-Noooooooooooooooooo!
   Besides that terrible, awful disaster in Haiti, we all know the big news this week: Conan O'Brien may be leaving NBC and "The Tonight Show," after NBC announced they were going to cram Leno's flop primetime show back into late-night.  It seems that NBC took a gamble by moving Leno to the 9pm slot (all times CST), a gamble they lost big time... and now the entire Late-Night lineup might change.  I care a lot about this, mostly because I'm in the business and I'm fascinated with this kind of stuff... but I think it's a significant thing for all of us to keep an eye on, because for decades "The Tonight Show" was THE go-to late-night program.  It started the whole trend, and it made famous some of the funniest people out there on TV right now.
   So what happened?  Well, to put it mildly, NBC fucked up up.  This article really puts things in perspective, and though it is opinion, the author clearly did more research than I'm willing to do.  We could sit here and argue all day about who messed up what and how they should have done it, but instead I'm just going to tell you how it is and you're going to take it.
   NBC made their first mistake by signing a contract that let Conan O'Brien (or anyone, for that matter) take over "The Tonight Show" in June.  They drew up that contract a long time ago, and they clearly didn't have the foresight to think that maybe, just maybe, that was too soon to make such a big change.  Sure enough, when June rolled around, Leno was still going strong, putting up a good fight against Letterman... but NBC was now obligated to move Conan into that spot.  And they did.
   But they didn't want to lose Leno, because the dude was a goldmine at night.  So, in what I'm guessing was a very eloquent and convincing speech to the board, they decided to move Jay Leno to the 9pm slot, leading into the late local news.  I'm sure this sounded like a good idea on paper: NBC would be saving a TON of money by not having to pay for primetime programming every night (which gets pretty expensive).  Leno's a popular dude, surely his audience will follow - hell they might even be happier that he's on earlier so they don't have to stay up as late.  In the meantime, young people love Conan!  They'll be so happy to see him get what he deserves ("The Tonight Show"), everybody wins!  It was a big gamble.  One that could kill the entire network.
   Here's the problem: young people do love Conan, but the older people most certainly don't.  Conan is a completely different breed of comedy.  I'm sitting here trying to think of someone to compare him to, but I can't... sort of a mix between Tim and Eric, and Jon Stewart.  Old people don't know what to make of Conan, and contrary to what NBC somehow believed, old people are still watching that late night show.  Leno didn't work because people aren't looking for comedy at 9pm.  I don't know if it was a study done somewhere or what, but I think one of those articles up there says something about how people prefer crme or drama at 9pm, something about getting them ready for real-life bad news at 10pm.  Then they need the late night guys to make them laugh and shake it off.  Makes sense to me.  Whatever the case, Leno flopped harder than a fat lady off a diving board.
   So now NBC's in a pickle.  Conan's ratings suck... partly because the world isn't ready for him, partly because he's still pretty new and people are getting used to him.  They know Leno should still be on that show, but they had to honor the contract.  They don't want to lose Leno, so they figure "hey we'll just take a dump on both of them, cram Leno back into his old timeslot, and move Conan back a little bit.  No big deal, right?"  Wrong. 
   Now we've basically gone back to the way things were, only NBC's trying to cheat.  They're pushing Conan back, but it's still called "The Tonight Show" so he can't complain... right?  And Leno's back where he should be, only it's just a half hour now, but that's okay... right?  Wrong again, NBC.  Now you've pissed Conan off because he's not dumb and he knows it's not "The Tonight Show" anymore.  I imagine you've pissed Leno off because you've played him like a cheap hooker (moving him around and stuff), plus he looks like a jerk for pushing Conan out of his timeslot.  Not to mention, you've ruined the brand that took decades to build up.  "The Tonight Show" can't go on at midnight... that's not tonight anymore.  I know you've heard that before but dammit, it's true.
   What I think NBC has failed to realize - and this is something all networks should take to heart - is that we (media) are no longer in control.  Used to be we'd say "you're going to watch this show at this time and complain all you want 'cause that's the way it is."  No more.  Now we're at the mercy of our viewers, who can easily go online and see anything we put out, or who can always DVR us and watch us at their convenience.  It's not about us anymore, it's all about them.
   NBC should never have signed that contract so many years ago.  They should have kept Leno where he was and told Conan to hold tight until the world was ready (if this move happened 5 years from now, when our generation was older, I think it would have gone a lot more smoothly).  More recently, NBC should have told Conan "look, we screwed up, we want Leno back on the Tonight Show.  We're willing to give you your old show back and we'll fire that hack Jimmy Falon."  If Conan said no, then NBC should have said "Well then we're going to have to let you go, because Leno is getting the Tonight Show back."  That would have been the honest, straightforward thing to do.  They would have probably lost Conan, but they would have saved face and had the proper people in the proper places.  Instead, they've pussy-footed around and now nobody's happy.  Leno's once great Tonight Show has been reduced to 30 minutes of what?  Standup and headlines?  Conan's Tonight Show is tarnished because it's on tomorrow (and cut short).  And Falon is still a giant douchebag.  Nobody wins.
   The real sad thing here is that Conan is in a risky position.  If he leaves NBC (which he should), his career may never get to where it should have.  If ABC were smart, they'd drop that Nightline bullshit and pick up Conan to compete against Leno and Letterman (where, eventually, he would win as our generation grows up and into latenight television).  But if Conan goes to Fox, he will die there.  Sure his loyal followers will go with him, but Conan doesn't draw a big enough mainstream audience to keep things going, and we all know how Fox likes to kill shows before their time (Family Guy, anyone?)... Conan will become another Arsenio Hall, or Chevy Chase.  It's sad, really.
   So where does it go from here?  I don't know, but I can't wait to find out.  I was wanting to write about this all week, but I figured I'd hold off until Thursday when stuff died down a little bit... I had no idea that come today things would be even crazier than they were at the beginning of the week.  Keep watching this stuff folks, it's history in the making... and it's only gonna get better from here.

Home Sweet Home
   Sarah Palin is stupid.  She's not a good politician, her voice sounds like icicles stabbing my eyeballs, and she's not even that hot.  They made a porno movie about her and I can honestly say I don't even want to see it.  That's how not-hot she is.  But, I'm happy to say that I think her most recent career move might have been the best one she'll ever make.  Sarah Palin is now employed by Fox News.
   Forget the preconceptions concerning Fox News.  Set aside that people say it's a conservatively-slanted news organization (just like, I would argue, CNN is a liberally-slanted news organization).  That's an argument no one's going to win, because it's not about getting the news anymore... it's about believing who YOU wish to believe, whether that's Cooper, Blitzer, King, O'reilly, Hannity, or now, Palin.  What I'm saying here is that I think Palin will be great for TV.
   Look at it like this: every time Palin opens her mouth, she makes an ass out of herself.  She has said some of the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my entire life, and my favorite part is that she's proud to be saying it!  She's happy to admit that she's a simple person, like that's going to give her credibility.  Ever heard of irony?  BAM!  So Palin looks like an ass every time she talks... but that talking also creates controversy, and THAT is what news organizations are looking for.  Controversy sells, so kudos to you, Fox News, you've created a controversy factory unlike anything the world has ever seen.
   The only down side here is that Fox News is not helping their cause.  They're already seen by millions as "the conservative" or the "over the top" news organization... so hiring a bimbo who can hardly even spell her own name isn't going to improve opinion on either of those fronts.  But if I've noticed anything about Fox News over the years, it's that they're content to blow off the naysayers and instead cater to their core audience.  And it works... they have a huge audience.
   So get ready america... just when you thought it wasn't possible, your television is about to get even dumber.

Blood Diamond
   Speaking of dumb, let's talk diamonds.  Now I'm a single dude, not in love with anyone, but I'd like to think that even if I were head-over-heels for somebody my opinion on this wouldn't change: diamonds are a complete waste of money, and they're stupid.  And the fact that women will kill to wear the biggest diamond possible on their finger is, in my opinion, even more stupid.  And that was before I knew that so many diamonds out there come as a result of slave labor, and one of the most viciously violent industries in the world.  Luckily, Edward Zwick got it in his head to direct "Blood Diamond," which makes entertainment out of a very serious message (sometimes the only way to get it into stupid people's heads).
   When the opening credits rolled for Blood Diamond, I was like "meh."  But by the time the end credits rolled, I was like "meh plus" at least.  It's a fine line, making a movie like this... you want to get your point across without sounding preachy.  Blood Diamond does a pretty good job with this for the most part, though it does have some pretty glaring flaws.
   Namely, Leonardo DiCaprio.  He was the absolute worst part of this entire movie.  His acting was painful, his accent was awful, and his character was fantastic (which made his acting and accent even worse to deal with).  He should have been plaid by Brad Pitt, or Clive Owen, or someone, anyone who could act worth a damn.  Jennifer Connoly also wasn't fantastic, but she wasn't given so much to work with, and for some reason I find her impossibly gorgeous so I'm much more forgiving.  The real winner here, and the person who made this move great, was Djimon Hounsou.  He was the African Native in the movie, and his acting was unbelievable.  It was good to see at least one person cared about making this movie sing.  He was great, as were most of the smaller-acted parts (were they performed by actual Africans?  I don't know, but it was amazing to see the amount of emotion they were able to convey).
   Technically speaking, this movie was easy on the eyes and ears, which helped too.  There were a lot of cool scenes, some grisly, some incredible, lots of realistic explosions and awesome weapons, and the soundtrack was top notch.   I also really liked the story, and while the script got a little preachy at times ("You might see a minute of this on CNN... somewhere between sports and the weather."  Lame)... it was overall well-told and got an interesting point across.  It definitely changed my opinion of diamonds (as in, from dumb to completely pointless) and opened my eyes to what it takes to get a diamond into our country.  It also did a good job of pointing that even though the whole dirty diamond trade could be traced to the civilized world, the movie also didn't shy away from the fact that the African people are doing this to themselves, and until they can rise up to defend themselves, it won't stop.  Deep stuff, but it worked.
   So should you see this movie?  Tough to say.  It was good, yes, but it's not gonna leave you feeling good.  Here's who I think should see this:  guys whose girlfriends won't stop bugging them about buying them a stupid, overly-expensive diamond ring.  Show it to your girlfriend, maybe it'll shut her up.  If it doesn't, break up with her immediately.  It's probably for your own good.

   Okay one last thing before I go... I'm usually not big on plugging stuff, but I need to tell everyone I can about this incredible site.  When you have a minute (and 10 bucks), check out http://www.yourfonts.com/.  The site is incredible.  You download letter charts (pdf format) that have every character imagineable on them.  You fill out the chart (I recommend using Photoshop to make sure everything is positioned correctly and the right size), then upload it back to them.  30 seconds later they send you a font, made out of your handwriting, that you can use on your computer (in programs like Microsoft Word).  If you like it, send them 10 bucks (15 for the full deal including weird characters you'll probly never need), and tada... a real-deal font.  This is definitely a cool site to check out.  It's quick, relatively easy, and cheap.  And with that, I'm out.