Ahh, Cinco De Mayo... next to St. Patrick's day, the best day to celebrate violent drunkenness out of the whole year. A day where people count down the minutes until quittin' time so they can hit their favorite bar and chug until they don't remember where they parked or how they even got to the bar in the first place. What a great holiday, right? Wrong. While it might sound fun on the surface, Cinco De Mayo is a dark, dark "holiday." You won't see me clamoring for a spot at a bar tonight, no sir. And you shouldn't be either... here's why:
It's all about the money: Cinco De Mayo is like a little "Black Friday" for bars. Sure they might get you in there with some kind of great special (2 for 1 on Coronas anyone?), but you will leave having spent more money than you would had you gone to say, a nice dinner instead.
Get ready for jail time: You think cops don't know what today is? I guarantee you they won't be waiting for you to walk out of a donut shop drunk. This is a great opportunity for local cops to meet their ticket quotas so they can take it easy for the rest of the month. If you don't think they're going to be waiting for you when you leave the bar tonight, you truly are a moron.
Houston's Worst come out of hiding: Cinco De Mayo is like a free-for-all for all the douchebags and sluts who make a habit of flaunting their disgustingness. I don't know about you, but I have a difficult enough time dealing with all the idiots on a typical friday night. Think of this like a concentration of douchebaggery. Sounds fun, right? Not to me. The only reason you should want anything to do with that is if (a) you're a douche, or (b) you're in the middle of some sort of rite of passage, and one of the tests is to sit in a bar surrounded by spiky haired 'tards wearing v-neck graphic tees and talking about how they "totally did that chick last week." Pass.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm all for drinking, even if it is Corona. I even like going out to bars on any given night of the week... but not tonight. Tonight is a night for inebriation in the home, where there won't be cops waiting to haul your ass off to jail, where you won't get shived for talking to some drunk guy's girlfriend, and where the douchebag count is hopefully no greater than "1."
15 Seconds of Shame
Youtube, once the great mecca of all starving artists, morons with cell phone cameras, and TV stations trying to grab some extra eyeballs... has now resorted to placing pre-roll ads on quite a few of their videos. So now instead of watching little Timmy crack his head open on his skateboard, you have to sit through 15 seconds of Gatorade. It's an unfortunate, dark turn for the media giant... or is it?
Let me ask you a question: would you pay for Youtube? Would you pay a monthly membership fee to watch these videos? How MUCH would you be willing to pay? I'm guessing/hoping not much, if anything... I know I certainly wouldn't. But the reality is that Youtube is facing the same plight that a lot of popular websites like Hulu and Vimeo are facing... these guys HAVE to figure out a way to make money. Nobody works for free, and the staff that it takes to upload, maintain, and monitor these videos isn't exactly small. Sites like Facebook and Youtube sell for millions, if not billions of dollars... yet when you get down to it, their actual worth is next to nothing.
Companies like Google and the collection of networks running Hulu HAVE to figure out a way to make money. That's business. So, out of this fundamental problem, two possible solutions have arisen: either charge people to view the site, or run pre-roll ads that the viewers cannot skip. Of the two possibilities, I definitely think pre-roll is the way to go. Think abou it, how bad is it really to sit through 15 seconds before watching what you really came here to watch? You can open another browser window... you can check your email... you can go make a sandwich... but at least you're not PAYING for something that really is a ridiculous luxury. There's a downside to the fees for the companies themselves, as well. As the internet has proven time and time again, the second something falls out of favor with the masses, another, more progressive version of that something comes out. Take the music downloading crap: Napster was huge, then they start charging, so people go to Kazaa. Kazaa starts to get hammered by the RIAA, so the people move over to Pirate Bay. Pirate Bay gets shut down, so it reopens in a different country (while still being accessible to everyone here in America). The internet is the ultimate workaround, and the second a Facebook or a Youtube start trying to charge you for their service, some schmuck is going to open a duplicate site for free. The first version sites crash because no one wants to use them anymore, and the second version sites get huge... so huge that THEY have to monitize. Rinse, repeat.
The thing is, there HAS to be a balance. Go back to the music industry again. I understand downloading pirated music in order to "stick it to the man," but you're also screwing the artist who put in his time and effort to make that song. Eventually, artists are gonna say "screw it," and then we won't have any more music. The solution? Pay the artist directly. You win because you pay less, they win because they make just as much as they did, and you both get to cut out the middle man. So what I'm saying is that with sites like Hulu and Youtube, you have to be willing to take a little bit of a hit in order to maintain the level of service you want. The question is, would you rather take the hit in your wallet, or in your time? I for one say time. Hell, make 'em 30 second spots... that just lets me make a bigger sandwich.
BigBrotherBook is Watching
Facebook is huge. You don't need me to tell you that. Everyone's on Facebook. My mom is on Facebook. Facebook is a fantastic way to stay connected, to meet people, and to get yourself out into the world. But now Facebook might be taking things a little too far. I read a very interesting article the other day about why you should quit facebook. I won't go into detail (read the article, lazy ass), but I was surprised at how compelling their reasons were for quitting. Namely, the fact that Facebook now makes almost all of your information public.
Even if you set your privacy settings as strict as they can go, there are apparently quite a few things about you that Facebook can give away or sell. They don't try to hide it, it's right there in their privacy statement, but I think what they're banking on (rightfully so) is that none of us ever read those things.
So what does this mean for you? Right now, probably nothing. Basically Facebook is able to act like a gigantic focus group. Want to know what young people are interested in? Check on what people have "liked" on Facebook! Want to know the best way to attract an audience to your company or product? Facebook has stats for that. While this may actually be a great way for Facebook to finally monetize themselves, the problem is that it's sacrificing your privacy.
Like I said, right now that might not be such a big deal... but think about the door we've allowed to be opened. Everyone freaks out about Big Brother watching us, about government getting into our lives and tapping our phone lines and whatnot... but really, we're doing more damage to ourselves than any of these entities. And we're doing it willingly.
I can't tell you how many stories I've heard about people being burglarized because they Tweeted "OMG I'M SOOOO ENJOYING MY VACA!" Well yeah, idiot, if you tell the world you're not home, you're basically giving the burglars a free pass. Or think about the many collections of stupid things people have posted on their facebook walls about exes, or how "Five Guys tastes so good in her mouth" (it's a burger place, sickos)... sure it's funny, but it's also out there for the entire world to see.
This is a slippery slope that we're walking here. We're all upset about government invading our privacy, when all they have to do is load up your facebook page and they can find out plenty about you in just a few clicks. I'm not saying you should quit Facebook, all I'm saying is that you might want to be a little more careful about what you put up there. Or maybe you should quit... go off the grid... we'll all be depending on you when the robots take over.
Don't Taze Me Bro
I'm a big Texans fan. I know they suck, but every season I get all pumped up (THIS year it's gonna be different)! Hell, just watching some highlight video yesterday at work, I got so pumped up I wanted to punch something. So I'm a pretty big fan, but I would never do something stupid like run out onto the field during the middle of a Texans game. However, some idiots out there just can't seem to contain themselves, such as this kid. Did you watch the video? Do it, it's short and it's important.
First off, I'm amazed that this made Network News. Of course, this is CBS we're talking about, so I guess nothing should surprise me anymore. But what really caught me here is one of the first lines: "did a police officer go to far in tasing this kid?" The answer is "absolutely not."
Back in the 50s and 60s, people went nuts over big name stars like Elvis and The Beatles. I mean, people were passing out just at the sight of them. People rushed barricades and fought for a chance to touch these icons... but no one got tased. Why? Well Tasers weren't invented, but also, people knew when to quit. People for the most part knew that there was a limit to how far you could really get obsessed with someone before things got out of hand. Unfortunately, that is not the case today.
Right now you're no one unless you get a video posted on youtube, or unless you make network news for something. And people will go to great lengths, doing some truly stupid stuff for their five minutes of fame. This kid is obviously just the latest on that list of assbags. But he's clearly a huge Phillies fan, and he wasn't hurting anyone by running out on the field, so why did the officer have to tase him?
Here's why: if he didn't get punished for what he did, what's to stop the next guy from doing it even worse? What's to stop a crazy person from going out there witha knife or a gun or whatever and doing some real damage? This kid was an example, and that cop did exactly the right thing by tasing him. "Don't fuck with us and we won't fuck with you, but if you do, you're going to pay for it." That's the message that was delivered loud and clear, in the form of an electrified tac that stuck into this kids back and zapped him.
I'm going to argue that the real problem here isn't about the kid or the cop who tased him at all. The real problem here is us. You can blame the media for this, or you can just blame the fact that we're all a bunch of whiney bitches, but this all really comes down to entitlement. By entitlement I mean that warm fuzzy feeling that we all get (some much more than others), the belief that because we're americans, we should be able to do whatever we want, and that there should be a reasonable, diplomatic solution for everything. What we forget is that there are a lot of people out there who are not reasonable, and who will not respond to a diplomatic solution. In the end, you've got to maintain order, and if that means taking some kid who made a stupid choice and hitting him with a taser, then so be it. I know this: the NEXT kid in that stadium who's thinking about running out on the field will probably think twice. Much more so than he will if this cop gets fired for doing his job and making sure people obey the rules.
We're Doing What Now?
There's been so much debate over this Arizona immigration law that I'm getting sick of hearing it... but what amazes me is that our media will report on the hundreds of illegal immigrants leaving the state because of the new stricter law, but what they fail to mention is that no one is doing anything about it.
First off, let me qualify something. I have nothing against these immigrants as PEOPLE, but I do have a problem with the fact that they don't follow the rules of our country... and I have an even bigger problem with Americans who actually think that's okay. Let's set aside the fact that illegal immigrants don't pay taxes, or that they're just trying to get by, or that they're fleeing a country in trouble. Ask yourself this: what makes them any better than us? Why is it that they can break the law and ignore the rules, and it's okay... but we can't?
If you fail to pay taxes, you'll be fined or arrested. They never pay taxes, yet they get sympathy? I don't think so. They're just trying to get by... feeding money into another country, a country where drug cartels run everything that matters. So by proxy, they're funding the drug cartels. And yes, Mexico is in trouble, but is that our fault? No. It's their fault. Maybe instead of fleeing the country, these immigrants should take some responsibility for themselves and fix their country. We would do it here, right? Why are they different?
We need to have cops posted at every exit from Arizona. We need to be stopping these people, checking their citizenship, and rounding them up if they're here illegally. I'm not saying we have to throw them in jail or even deport them... what we need to do is make them all go through the citizenship process. Get them social security numbers, get them driver's licenses... get them on the path to becoming true, legal americans. Then make them pay taxes and obey the law and live as everyone else in this country does.
We also need to stop pussyfooting around with this, and take over Mexico. Send our military down there, wipe out the cartels, and disband the government from that country. Make Mexico the 51st state of America, or make it a province or a territory or whatever it is that Puerto Rico is. It would be a relatively easy operation, and it would make a much bigger difference in our homeland security than Afghanistan or Iraq. I bet the majority of Mexicans would be more than happy to see this happen... think about the improvements to their quality of life we would bring. Plus you don't have to get a passport and spend all kinds of extra money to go visit, and all the tourist dollars wind up in our own economy. Everybody wins! But most of all, we won't have to sit around listening to liberals and conservatives moan and argue over the best way to handle our country's "illegal immigrant problem."
I'm going to end today with this. a car that you drive with your eyes. This is science at work, people. This is a collection of brilliant minds coming together and programming a computer to do something that is wonderful, groundbreaking, and UTTERLY USELESS.
A car that you drive with your eyes? Are you kidding me? ANYONE can see what a terrible idea that is, right? You're driving at 75 mph when you see a billboard. You turn your head to look, and the next thing you know you're careening off an overpass. Did this not enter the minds of these so-called "scientists?"
Come on people... there are too many real problems in the world that need solving. Why are you wasting our time and your education on stupid stuff that has absolutely no real-world application? Get to work on something that matters. Like lightsabers.
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