So what happened to them? No doubt you've seen the plethora of pirate attacks on ships off the coast of Africa lately. They've even grown ballsy enough to take over a coulpe of American ships. But these aren't the awesome pirates from the days of yore (or the days of "YAARRRRR!" as it were). No no. These pirates are stupid. You ever seen "Life Aquatic?" THOSE kinds of pirates. They show up in an air-filled raft, and instead of firing cannons and demanding loot, they jump on the ship with uzis and start shooting at innocent people. Where's the fun in that?
I propose two things: first off, let's not call them pirates. Let's call them terrorists, since that's really what they are. No self-respecting pirate would be able to live knowing that these assholes have taken their name in vain like this. Second, we have a huge and quite powerful navy that's kind of looking for stuff to do, right? I mean we beefed them up for Iraq and Afghanistan, but neither country really has much of a navy, am I right? I think it would be completely awesome if we sent out Navy over there completely armed, and just filled that entire section of the ocean with our military might. Let's see these so-called "pirates" try to stand up to THAT on a day to day basis. It'd be fun to watch our huge cannons blowing these silly little pirate rafts out of the water, and it would give our soldiers something to do.
Sigh. Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?
I Hope You Learned Your Lesson
Europeans are stupid. And yeah James I know you're over there, so spread the word. They don't know how to govern, they let crazy politicians come to power and don't do anything about it, and (perhaps worst of all), they don't have very good fences at their zoos. At least, the fences aren't good enough to keep some some crazy German lady from jumping over them and into a fucking polar bear enclosure.
That's right, this bitch (who I'm sure was completely sober and had no drugs in her body) decided that she should become humanity's ambassador into the Polar Bear kingdom. So what happened? She got the shit kicked/bit/scratched out of her, of course. But believe it or not, that's not what has me pissed. I actually applaud this woman for having the guts to climb into a polar bear enclosure. Sure she's 100% insane, but at least she has the conviction to follow through on her insane ideas.
No, what pisses me off here is the fact that they actually rescued her. Why? Why would people waste their time trying to save some woman who obviously has little to contribute to society other than putting on a good show trying to fight off a polar bear? This sounds heartless I know, but as far as I care it serves her right. And this is only part of a MUCH bigger problem that we've all stumbled into.
Take Hurricane Ike, for example. Hurricanes aren't like earthquakes, usually you know they're coming. So when Ike was barreling toward Houston (I used that line in a promo, by the way), several people in Galveston and along the coast decided they would stay and "tough it out." Stupid choice, but I have to say that I can understand where they're coming from. During Rita's evacuation fiasco, I sat at home and got drunk. I felt better knowing I would be there to protect my home from the hurricane and looters than trying to run away. BUT, the difference is, if things did hit the fan, I would NOT expect to be rescued. And that, my friends, is the problem. Most of these people who stay behind then get pissed because it took so long to rescue them. Well guess what? It SERVES YOU RIGHT YOU MORON. You've got a hurricane half the size of Texas heading right for you, and you're going to sit at your beach house and watch the waves lap at the shore (or completely destroy you). Stay or go, that's your choice. But if you do stay, don't expect anyone else to risk his life to try to save yours. You made the decision, you need to live with the consequences.
But back to this woman, I guess the rescuers were obligated since there was a crowd and children and blah blah blah. What they should have done is arrest this nutty lady, and then once the zoo closes, throw her ass back in there. Or maybe just dangle her right out of Polar-Bear reach so that she'll get the idea that these are not friendly animals, and she's a complete idiot for thinking they are.
Congrats, You Failed.
This week's Early Show atrocity came hard and came early. Monday I think it was, they had a story about this woman who was throwing a wild party. But it wasn't her birthday, she didn't win any kind of award or anything. No, this was a divorce party. That's right, this lady had a bunch of her friends come over to celebrate her divorce.
Some of the highlights of the party included a dartboard with her ex-husband's picture on the bullseye, lots of booze and silly drunk people, and oh yeah, severely covered up depression. This has to be one of the most pathetic things I've ever seen in my life. What kind of world do we live in where marriage is so meaningless that we party once it's over? There's a reason they call marriage marriage: it's more than a relationship, it's a binding agreement. It involves you and your husband/wife, and maybe a kid or two as well. This is selfishness at it worst.
But let's set that aside for a second. Divorce is the ultimate admittal that you and your significant other are both failures. You couldn't even manage to get along well enough to live in the same house. Don't get me wrong, I do think divorce is an important option. There are way too many couples out there where someone's getting abused or where it would actually be better for the kids to not have to see both parents and the way they act toward one another. But to CELEBRATE a divorce? You've got to be kidding me.
I really hope this woman never finds love again. I hope she grows old single and bitter and cynical. She doesn't deserve it, and neither does anyone else who looks at divorce as a "hooray" moment. And, of course, shame on The Early Show for even giving this attention. The only way something like this should come up in the media is as an editorial, preferably one fronted by Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh... or maybe as a joke. Jon Stewart would have a field day with this one.
I'm gonna be completely honest with you here. Our world is fucked up right now, and it's getting worse every day. For those of you thinking about having kids, think really hard. There are SO MANY bad influences, you've got to be ready for some serious challenges down the road. It's actually kind of scary.
Death Race
Here's a movie that knows what it is. You don't go into this one expecting a lot of groundbreaking dialogue or an emotional story. You go into this looking for violence, explosions, and a lot of weirdly buff people punching each other in the face. At least, that's what I expected when I put this movie in. Maybe I should approach more movies with low/no expectations, because I was actually surprised by this one.
No there wasn't any deep dialogue, and I didn't cry at the end. But I was surprised by the amount of well-produced action and violence there was in this movie. Sure it was full of cheese, but come on, look at what this movie is. It was well shot and edited, and the special effects were also pretty good (and I think real, for the most part). They didn't shy away from gore or gritty violence, which I actually found surprising (it seems like most movies now are striving for that magical PG-13 rating, seriously, what is this world coming to?).
Nothing fancy here. If you're looking for the next "Slumdog," you've come to the wrong place. But if you like a lot of exploding shit, a lot of people getting killed and thrown out of cars moving at 100mph, etc... well, you've come to the right place.
I was driving into work the other day when I noticed a traffic sign on the side of the road. It read "WARNING: OBEY ALL TRAFFIC SIGNS." It occured to me that these are everywhere, you see them every day. But aren't they kind of ridiculous? I mean, if you're not paying attention to traffic signs, are you going to pay attention to this sign? Our tax dollars pay for this stuff people. Think about it.
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