Ahh, a new post on the new blog... it feels nice and fresh. Kind of like when you get your car out of that fancy carwash that you have to actually get out of. You asked for the "new car smell," and even though it's painfully obvious that they accidentally sprayed "lemon" first and just covered it up, it's still a nice feeling. Hey, why do you have to get out of your car for those anyway? I bet it's because they electrify the inside of your car while it's on the conveyor belt... you know, to kill germs or whatever.
If you came here from Myspace, thanks for coming. Skip this paragraph. If you're new to this blog, then I guess I should let you in on what's going on here. Basically, as a promo producer, I write stuff every day that has to be crammed into 30 or 15 or even 04 seconds, and to be honest it's tiresome. Sometimes I just want to stretch my legs (fingers?), and so here's my chance. Chances are you're not going to find anything profound here. You probably won't learn anything. But you will get a movie review or two, and a rant here and there, and if you're really lucky I'll throw in a picture or two.
So, sit back and enjoy...

I'm a PC, and I'm an Idiot
Microsoft's new commercial campaign makes me sick. Not because I'm mad so much... more because it makes me embarassed for Microsoft. You've probly seen these:

Cute, right? WRONG. Microsoft went through a lot of trouble to find a four year old girl who can memorize a script, and I can only imagine the pain-staking process it took to teach her how to actually do what she's saying. IF she's actually doing it. But then they put together this nice little ad campaign that proceeded to insult 95% of the American Population.
"Aw come on, it's a little girl, how can you not like that?" How about this. A 35 year old man sees this commercial, thinks "hey that kid can do it, so can I." Then he comes to the crushing realization that he doesn't even know how to turn on a computer, much less plug a camera into it or make a slide show. Oh, I wish I could have seen the focus group testing on this one. Did nobody see this coming? Think about it like this: who's going to buy that PC? The cute little girl who somehow figured out how to make a slideshow without erasing the hard drive, or her Dad who now feels like a dumbass thanks to your commercial? Nice going Microsoft, another tick in the "stupid ideas" column for you.

Dumb Divas
Hey, while we're on the subject of little kids, here's another thing that is incredibly stupid and sad, yet all too real. And yeah, I'll admit that I got this from the CBS Early Show. They actually did something worthwhile this week. Apparently, there's a real issue with little girls who are pampering themselves. I'm talking about 8 year olds going to get their nails done, putting on makeup, etc etc. And this isn't some stupid little birthday party thing where they come pick you up in a ridiculous pink limo... this is the real deal. So now we're training our kids to make a big deal out of one of the most ridicuous things in our society. Real nice, I can't wait to see how this turns out. And you know, I wish I could say I feel bad for girls, but it's happening to guys too. I went to the Galleria the other day and walked by the Armani store. They always put huge pictures up of models wearing their clothes, and for the first time I honestly had to look closely to figure out which models were guys, and which ones were girls.
Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the fitted clothes and stuff. I've got pretty broad shoulders, so by the time I find a shirt that fits them, it's like I'm wearing a tent. So fitted is nice. But this goes beyond clothing, or even makeup. Our society is getting to the point now where women are no longer attractive unless their made of plastic and covered in paint. And our men are no longer allowed to be men. Used to be dudes could have beards and burp and fight and get muddy and chop down trees and fight pirates. Now that's all seen as ridiculous or immature, and the men are expected to be trim, clean, hairless, and scrawny. WEAK.
And so, I propose a return to the way things used to be, the way things SHOULD be. Women, stop trying to fix your problems with plastic surgery and a shit-ton of makeup. One of the most beautiful women I've ever met in my entire life doesn't wear a lot of makeup, and doesn't have any plastic surgery (that I know of). She's beautiful because of who she is, and the fact that she doesn't spend hours on her hair every day and doesn't worry herself sick about the clothes she's wearing is what makes her so unbearably attractive to me. And Men, have a little pride. Don't be afraid to have a hairy chest (REAL women prefer them), and stop wearing jeans that are so tight there's no way your package can fit. It's just sad. Look at yourself in the mirror, and don't be afraid to say I AM A MAN. Here's something that should help:


Master and Commander
I've reviewed this movie before, not that anyone would remember since it was a long time ago and honestly, how much do you really remember about my blogs? How much do you remember about what you had for lunch yesterday even? I'm reviewing this again because I saw it on Blu-Ray, and wow. "Master and Commander" blew me away last time I saw it, but this was an entirely new experience.
I re-rented it on blu-ray because there were a few scenes that I thought would really stand out. The naval battles were cool to watch on my little 27-inch TV, so I thought they should look cool on my 40-inch in blu-ray quality. I was right and then some. The very opening scene had me convinced that renting this movie was the right choice, and it might even be worth buying. The imagery was astounding, the sound was incredible, and that doesn't even get into the acting or story.
Russell Crowe's had his share of controversy, but I have to say this is one of his best roles. He doesn't say much, but you can tell that he was really into this part. He IS the captain of that ship. Everyone had great and commendable parts, but Crowe stood out to me. So did the little blonde kid. I have no idea who he is (look it up if you want, I'm on a roll here and I don't feel like it). I hope he can keep that skill level up, if he does he's going to make a great actor when he grows up. The thing that really stood out to me was that you could just tell this movie was fun to make. Everyone obviously had a blast, and can you blame them? Imagine spending months on an old ass ship... sure you're not REALLY sailing anywhere, but does that matter? It's the experience. The fighting, the yelling, the storm scenes... awesome. If anyone's wondering what to get me for my birthday, I want a giant wooden ship to sail around the world in an fire cannons out of. What a life.
If you have a blu-ray player, you owe it to yourself to rent this movie. Just watch it. It's not the fastest-moving or most interesting film you'll ever see, but I guarantee if you stick with it, it'll stick with you. Ooooh I like that.

Charlie Bartlett
I have no idea where this movie came from or how it ended up in my Netflix Queue, but there it was, and overall I'm glad I got it. My thinking is that it came up when I added something with Robert Downy Junior in it, since he's pretty much the only actor I recognize. The chick has also been in a few movies, but she's not talented (or hot) enough to make me rent a movie with her in it. The main kid was also kind of annoying... I'm not sure where they found him, but his voice needs to crack, like, yesterday. His acting was "meh," and since the whole movie revolved around him, that certainly didn't help things. It's like he almost got it, but not quite. Despite all of these shortcomings, I still enjoyed this movie. It had sort of a "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" feel to it... ha ha, remember that show? I remember one episode where the big dumb dude ("Moose," right?) takes the SAT and aces it because he filled in the bubbles to read "EAT NOW." Classic, classic stuff. Came on right after "My Two Dad's," if I'm not mistaken. But I digress... while "Bartlett" tried to be that type of a movie, it was a swing and a miss. Or maybe a foul ball. There were moments that I laughed, but I never related with any of the characters enough to care about their problems or how they were solved. Not even Robert Downy Jr. could save this one, though it seems like it was a bit of a therapeutic movie for him to make, if nothing else.
Do I recommend this movie? Unfortunately, I can't. There are just too many other better movies out there that tackle the same type of premise. If you're in the mood for a "rebellious student makes mockery of authority" movie, watch "Accepted." If you're looking for a deep movie about a kid with some serious problems, watch "Rushmore." If you think I'm full of shit or have some kind of sick obsession with Robert Downy Jr, well, I guess you should definitely check this one out.

Alright folks, so that's how it goes down. I'm always happy to read comments, so whether you want to tell me how awesome I am or you think I'm a 'tard, let me know. At least then I'll know someone's reading, right? Oh, and don't shake laserjet toner cartridges in the air. It might be funny while you're doing it, but when you're covered in ink later, it's no laughing matter.