I've never been a huge baseball fan. Sure it's supposedly "America's Past-Time," but it's also boring as crap. Baseball is great to have on while you're having a party, or cooking giant steaks with friends, or if you're trying to get drunk and want a stadium atmosphere... but really how often do you sit down and watch all nine innings of a baseball game? Baseball, like basketball and hockey, is one of those sports that you can catch the last few minutes of and find out what you really want to know: who won.
I think it was set up this way because back in the day... back when baseball wasn't a past-time, but was instead just "that newfangled sport everyone's talking about," people would spend their entire day at the ballpark. They would wake up early, shave, put on their high-water pants and suspenders, their (still awesome) fedora, grab the kids and head out to the ballpark. They would watch some of the game, go have a picnic, and come back in time to see the end. That's how long games are. Unfortunately, nowadays the "7th inning stretch" is more like the "7th inning get outta here," especially with the Astros, who lose the game as soon as they set foot on the field.
Anyway, my POINT is that there's been all kinds of arguments about whether or not baseball should join the modern world and adopt "instant replay" for close umpire calls. The argument for is that one bad umpire decision could cost a team the game, especially during the playoffs (which is the only time, by the way, I will sit through an entire game). The argument against is that it would take a game that is already days-long and extend it even further. And a third (albeit even dumber) argument is that it will ruin the "best part" of baseball... which I guess is fat guys in weird clothes making bad calls. I can see both sides to this argument (I'm not counting the third option)... some of these calls really are too close to get on the spot. But baseball takes so long I can literally feel myself aging, the last thing I want is for every call to be scrutinized.
And so, naturally, I have a solution that is better than any argument you could possibly make: take a page out of the playbook from America's REAL past-time (football), and introduce the idea of "coach's challenges" to baseball. Here's how this brilliant plan works: give each coach 2 flags, weighted with a baseball. If at anytime there's a questionable call, they throw the baseflag out onto the field, trying to hit the nearest umpire. If they miss, oh well. If they hit, awesome. The call is then reviewed by an INDEPENDENT comittee, kinda like they do when there's less than 2-minutes left in football. Keep the coach and the umpire out of it completely. Once the call is rendered, the ref relays it to the crowd. If the call stands, the team who challenged gets an "out." If the call is overturned, the team gets to keep their challenge flag. The best part of this plan is that not EVERY play needs to be reviewed... but every play can be replayed on the big screen (so if something awesome happens you can see it). But when there's an obviously stupid call, like the one in the recent Tigers game, it can be challenged, reviewed, and overturned (allowing that pitcher to get his perfect game). The downside here is that we don't get to see the awesome coach vs. ump arguements which sometimes get really involved (I once saw a guy throw an entire garbage can of baseballs out on the field - you can't beat that!). Maybe they could still argue while the play is being reviewed...
Regardless, baseball needs this change and addition. It's time to get with the program fellas. Oh, and it's time for the Astros to stop sucking. Seriously.
Too Soon
In case you didn't know this, there's a gigantic oil leak in the gulf right now. Last I heard they'd closed off 37% of the gulf to fishing (though to be honest, I wouldn't eat anything out of there right now, no matter where it was caught). They've tried all kinds of solutions to plug up this hole but so far they haven't had any luck. And now, sadly (though not surprisingly), the government is launching a criminal investigation into BP's past and safety violations.
Now I'm no fan of BP, but I have a lot of problems with this call. First off, any kind of investigation needs to wait until there's actually something to investigate. Let's focus on the problem right now, folks. There are still thousands of gallons of oil leaking into the gulf right this minute. Let's get that leak taken care of, and THEN we can try to figure out who's fault it was. This leads me to my second problem: this entire oil spill thing is being politicized, which is just sad. Politicians are dirty, low people, but this is bad even for them. My favorite quote so far has been from some Senator who said "it's obvious BP doesn't know what they're doing." Oh like you do? Some politician sitting in his cushy office up in DC is going to try say something like that... I shouldn't be surprised, but I am more than a little disgusted. You sir, are a foul excuse for a human being. Even President Obama isn't above this scrutiny. Sure he toured the coast, but did him walking along the shore do anything more than Bush flying over New Orleans in Katrina? I would argue that while their public impact may have been perceived differently, their direct impact on the problem was one and the same: nothing. I've never been one to waste my time writing to my senator, but I'm pretty close to calling that one dude up and being like "you're a jerk." To take something as serious as this problem we have in the gulf and try to make it so next time there's an election you can say "I WAS CALLING FOR A CRIMINAL INVESTIGATION BEFORE ANYONE ELSE!" ... it's petty, and sad.
Another big mistake in the making: Obama has declared a moratorium on deep-water drilling. No more deep-water drilling for at least six months while this whole thing gets sorted out. That is absolutely ridiculous. This blowout is a very serious mistake, one that will haunt all of us for decades. But this one mistake has happened among hundreds of other wells, operating mistake-free for many many years. Right now with the economy in the state that it's in, the last thing we need to do is stop drilling for oil. It will cost thousands of jobs, and it will take business away from America. You think those companies are just going to let those platforms sit idle? Think again. They'll move on to other locations in other countries. That's money we should be making, just floating away. The oil needs to keep flowing to keep the economy moving. Without it we'll have job loss, higher gas prices, and then we're right where we were in 2008 when this whole stupid recession began. Obama's a smart guy... surely he knows what a horrible mistake he's making... right? RIGHT?
The problem here, of course, is government. They're too big and too slow to react to something like this disaster. Right now people are looking at the government and saying "do something idiot!" So while I think Obama and friends' were especially slow to respond to this situation, I also think it's unfair for anyone to expect the government to take care of this. If any agency needs to be out there, it should be the military. Those guys are the "doers" and they will get it done. Don't expect government to fix this problem, or you'll be disappointed when they don't. And PLEASE don't jump on this whole "let's blame someone" bandwagon yet. Let BP do their thing, let them fix this gigantic spewing leak that is destroying the gulf of Mexico. THEN we'll figure out who needs to be in trouble.
He Said She Said
Another touchy situation where we shouldn't jump the gun: Israel is really taking some heat for the commando raids they held on ships trying to break through their blockades. Both sides have video taken of the raids, and both sides have very different stories to go with those videos... but the basics are that some ships full of activists tried to run the blockade, Israel said no, then when the ships didn't turn around, Israel boarded the ships. Things got ugly, some people were beaten, some were stabbed, some got shot, and now there's a huge mess to clean up.
First let me say this: there were several Americans on those boats, and I think that's just ridiculous. If you want to be an activist, be one, but don't put yourself in danger... especially for a problem that you probably know little about (I'm one to talk) and in a country that isn't yours. That's like missionaries going to other countries illegally because the people there need help so badly. There are plenty of Americans who need help, and you can help them without breaking the law or putting yourself in danger. I think these activists are trying to make a statement... but I don't think it's "I'm an idiot." Still, that's what I'm getting from their actions.
Now to the whole Israel situation: I won't disagree that they've been pretty hard on the Palestinians and the whole Gaza strip... but I don't think it's without reason. I'm not stereotyping here, but I will say that there have been PLENTY of examples of Palestinian aggression against the Israelites. There's also been aggression the other way, I mean that part of the world is just a mess. But right now Israel is in control of the land, and until that changes I think it would be in the Palestinian people's best interest to try to keep the peace, so that eventually, when they take over, there won't be aggression against them. What do I know.
What I do know is that Israel, in its sometimes harsh and sometimes unusual way of handling things, has managed to deal with some of the most violent and most animalistic people on the planet. They're an island out there, surrounded by countries full of people who absolutely hate them. They're the personification of why the Terrorists hate us, and yet they've held strong for years. Sure it helps that they're getting aid from us and several other countries, but my point is that they know what works over there, and I don't think any of us are in a position to tell them what to do or what not to do.
And yet, these activists still push the blockade. I am stereotyping here, when I say that I picture the Americans at least as unbathed hippies searching for some sort of meaning in their life. They look at each other and say "hey here's a situation we know almost nothing about, but we could really make a difference if we cause enough trouble... let's do it!" So they pick up their sleeping bags and head to Gaza. Now imagine how you would feel if a bunch of Israelis came over here and started messing around in your city, claiming that the way we govern isn't right? They'd be kicked out pretty fast. The fact that we, as Americans, have so much ignorance to go so far as trying to tell other countries how they should and should not handle situations... that's just beyond me. Worry about your own life, and let them worry about theirs. If you're that pissed off about the situation, then move out there, and don't expect America to come swooping in to save you when things get out of hand. If you want to make it your problem, accept the responsibility that comes with it, and stop looking for a handout.
Blade Runner
In the 80s Future, humans have created robots called "Replicants," which are much stronger and able to work harder and longer. So naturally we exploit them, and naturally they get pissed and lead a revolt. So now the robots are forced to live off-planet, but for some reason they come to earth. That's when the Blade Runners come in, specially trained to take out these Replicants and save humanity. Or at least I think that's the story.
I know, I know, how could I have survived this long without ever watching Blade Runner? Well, I'll tell you: happily. I don't care how groundbreaking this movie was, or how ahead of its time it was, or how it changed cinema forever. It. Was. Terrible.
The good (what little there was): I liked the atmosphere that they created. A cramped, dark, old and worn down Earth. I picture Earth as the bottom rung of a ladder of wealth, with most of the money being off-world, trying to attract people to bigger and better places. They did a real nice job of making Earth look like a forgotten planet in this movie. They also paid a lot of attention to the lighting, which I definitely respect. It's like every shot was meticulously planned out. And that's about it.
There's so much wrong with this movie I don't even know where to begin. The story is ludicrous. I didn't know who the good guys were and who the bad guys were. Were the robots really dangerous, or were they just trying to figure out how to stay alive? Was Harrison Ford really trying to save humanity, or was he just a jerk who liked killing things? Why did he love a robot if he enjoyed killing them so much? Where was his personality? Why was everyone in the movie so screwed up? What was with that weird eyeball test that they used twice and then never used again? Why were there so many shots where people were talking but their lips weren't moving?
I'll tell you what this movie looked like. It looked like Ridley Scott had a grand vision for this movie, which was utterly destroyed by the studios. It looks like once the studios were done cutting stuff out, all Scott had was a puzzle, which he then had to cheat to put back together. Hence the scene where Harrison Ford is talking to a guy about the robots but his lips are just saying "yeah" and then stop moving. Maybe this is true, since I've noticed there are about 10 releases of this movie "Directors Cut," "FINAL Directors Cut," "THE FINAL FINAL CUT," etc.)... I dunno, but I definitely don't get the draw to this movie.
So should you see this movie? Chances are you already have. Maybe you can explain to me why I should like it... because I most certainly did not. So I'm going to give it a big fat "no," but I'm also going to be open to changing my mind, if someone can tell me why I should.
I'm going to end this week with a little re-hash that I think is definitely worth bringing up again. Missouri City (out near Sugar Land) has now passed a "no texting while driving" law. They're just the latest area to do it around here, and they're just adding to the ridiculousness.
First off, how do you enforce a law like this? I've heard the cops look for "that glow on your face." Well, I get a glow on my face when I'm sorting through my ipod, or when I'm talking on my phone. I have to touch the screen on my phone to make a call, is that considered texting? And on that note, isn't fiddling with an ipod just as distracting as texting?
This just reinforces the idea that the government has no place in this part of our lives. It is an invasion of privacy for them to be able to tell us what we can and cannot do in our vehicles. What if the government told you that by law, you had to brush your teeth three times a day? Or that you had to drink tap water because it has flouride in it? Or that you could not have sex in the kitchen? It's the exact same with this whole texting thing. The government shouldn't be able to tell you you can't text, or can't eat in your car, or have to wear your seatbelt. Personally I may agree with all of those things... I wear my seatbelt, I don't text or eat in the car, but I do it by choice, not because the government tells me to.
Now on the flipside of that, we as Americans should be expected to take responsibility for our actions. If you get in a wreck and are paralyzed because you weren't wearing your seatbelt, you've got no one to blame but yourself. If you cause an accident because you were texting while driving, you should have to face the consequences. And maybe that's really the root of the problem here. Maybe the government has to make these invasive, ridiculous laws, in order to protect itself from the average American Moron. I'm talking about the people who sue the playground manufacturer because the kid burned himself on a slide (forget the fact that as a parent you should tell your kid to stay off the hot slide). Maybe this is for the parent who sues the car manufacturer for not being safer (forget telling your kid not to text and drive, or punishing them for doing so). The government makes these laws to prevent itself from being bankrupted by all the terrible parents out there... I never really thought of it like that before. It makes total sense, and it's totally lame.
I'm not trying to tell you to text and drive. I'm not trying to tell you to break the law. I'm trying to show you just what a sad state we've reached when we need the government to tell us what we can and cannot do. Pretty soon we're going to need a written directive just to put on pants in the morning. It's only a matter of time before we're completely helpless. And that's when it's all over.
Speaking of all over... adios.
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