Larry King is a pimp. An 80-something year old, senior citizen, stone-cold pimp. How many times has this guy been married? 8 I think? And if his current, soon to be ex-wife is any indication, they were most likely all smokin' hot. And now he's going to dump this broad, presumeably for something better. AND, supposedly, he's had a rumored affair with his wife's sister! Stone-cold King, stone-cold.
Spin it Larry. Spin it like there's no tomorrow.
What I can't get around, is how this dude is able to bag these chicks. Is he super-rich? He's certainly not a looker. Maybe it's his rich, velvety smooth voice on the air, his tenacity in the face of guests who refuse to answer his daunting questions, or the fact that in my entire life I've never seen him change the look of his show. Not once. Whether its any combination of those things (or hell, all of them), or just his ability to not look like a complete tool staring into an oversized microphone, Larry King, sir, you have my respect.
Show Me the Money
Since he was elected President, Mr. Obama has taken heat about the true nature of his citizenship in these here United States of America. I don't know if it's because this past week was tax week, or because something else has stirred up a new need for controversy, but I've been hearing a lot more people demanding to see Barack Obama's birth certificate. The most recent event in this case is that of a soldier who is refusing to deploy until he sees the certificate.
My question is, why not just show the damn thing? If you're truly a citizen, you've got nothing to hide. Produce the goods so that these conservative radio show hosts can shut up and start digging for something else to gripe about. I've also heard that he said he doesn't know where his birth certificate is. Well, aside from that being a kind of big deal, surely it's somewhere on record, right? I mean it would be a pain in the ass for any of us to have to get our birth certificates re-issued, but you would think the freakin' President could bypass some of those long lines and red tape... right?
The scary thing here is that if he's NOT a natural born citizen, then we're going to have a lot of trouble on our hands. The constitution states that if he's not born in the United States, he cannot be President, and therefore anything that he has signed or declared or whatever is not legal. That means the war in Afghanistan, the Healthcare Reform Bills, everything gets tossed right out the window.
This is a big deal, folks. And this is no time to start playing cards like "oh he's great, just let him do his thing and shut up about the details." Why should Obama, or anyone, be held to a different standard than the rest of us? Just because he's young, just because he's charismatic, just because he made history by being America's first African American President... that doesn't mean he doesn't have to follow the rules. I heard (and I don't know if this is true) that the soldier who refused to deploy is now being court-marshalled, and that they're actually going to test him for insanity. Really? The guy sounds pretty sane to me in his request, and I think it's a request that we should all have. You can bet if George Bush's or John McCain's or Al Gore's citizenships were questioned, there would be a full inquiry and investigation into it. It's time for Barack Obama's honeymoon period to end. It's time for us to stop treating him like he's invincible, and start treating him like he's accountable... just like we would (or should) with any other President.
OR... or... we could just renounce the whole citizen thing, and that way AHNOLD SCHWAHZZENNEGGGA could be President. AHNOLD IN 2012!
Oh How The Mighty Have Fallen
Once upon a time there was an innocent little talk show on NBC Late Night called "The Tonight Show." Other than the occasional bad-tasting joke, there wasn't any real controversy surrounding it, and it was a good hour of entertainment. Then NBC, in its infinite wisdom, decided to shake things up and put a man on the show who may or may not have been put there quite so soon. That man's name was Conan O'Brien. Now, through no fault of Conan's, and through no fault of his buddy Jay Leno, all kinds of shit hit the fan because of this decision. In the end, Conan got paid an assload of money and left the show, returning it to Jay where it once belonged (and where many would argue it should have remained in the first place, at least for now).
You know all of this. What's new in this story is that Conan O'Brien, who has begun touring the country doing standup comedy, and who's Twitter page is an endless supply of laughs (FINALLY a reason for Twitter!)... is inexplicably moving his Late Night Talk Show to TBS. That's right folks, instead of going to Fox or ABC (who was stupid not to immediately offer him a job), Conan is going to be standing with the likes of other TV greats, such as... uh, Frank Caliendo. And uh... George Lopez?
All joking aside, I believe moving to TBS was the biggest mistake Conan O'Brien could have made. Oh sure, his followers will watch him there... hell, some people might even buy cable just so they can watch him. But the bottom line is that TBS is where Talk Shows go to die. Cable and Satellite might have better market penetration now than they ever have, but they still don't compare to the number of people who get their TV over the air, and who only get the big Networks because of that. So already, while Conan might be able to hold his own by TBS standards, he won't have the reach that he could have had on a Fox or an ABC (idiots!). Not only that, but he'll also be competing directly with John Stewart and Stephen Colbert, a much more dynamic duo on a station where Comedy is expected. TBS is the network that you put on while you're cleaning the house on some random saturday, because more than likely there will be a moderately bad movie on for background noise (hello "Rush Hour 2"). It's definitely not known as the premier network for cutting-edge late-night comedy... and I don't think Conan (or anyone) will be able to change that.
Will Conan survive this? I'm sure. But I'm not so sure his show will last on TBS. He's a great catch for the network, but I think he's selling himself short by going there. Really short. I predict a short run, followed by more Twitter and Live Standup type stuff, before one of the big networks finally wakes up and gives Conan the podium he deserves and has rightfully earned. Maybe I'll be wrong... I just hope that he doesn't wind up like Tom Green, bouncing around from new talk show to new talk show, each one sold as "the hot new thing for kids!" but really being an hour of suck, and in th meantime he himself is barely hovering above anonymity. Best of luck to you Conan, and best of luck to your hair.
Fry, Leela, and friends all embark on another wacky journey into space in this feature-length movie. This time, Leela joins a group of feminists as they try to stop Mr. Wong from demolishing planets to build a super-sized Mini-golf course, while Fry discovers that due to his brainwaves he is the only one who can save the universe. It all comes together into one silly conclusion involving Zapp Branigan being an idiot.
Futurama is back in a big way. Not only have the producers released several feature-length DVDs such as this one, but the show is going to be renewed on Comedy Central in June. I for one am decently pumped. I'm a big fan of the old espisodes, and I think back when Fox cancelled this show, they should have cancelled "The Simpsons" instead... but I'm also a little worried about this show coming back, and a lot of that worry has to do with what I've seen in the DVDs.
I don't know if it's because the producers have to fill two hours, or because the idea box is just running out of gas, but this movie (along with others that I've seen) just isn't nearly as funny as the 30-minute episodes of "Futurama." Out of the entire movie, there were maybe two parts that had me actually laughing, and that was only because for a brief moment, I saw a glimmer of what this show once was. The rest of this movie is over-the-top, way too obvious humor that really is so bottom rung that it's hard to believe these are the same people who created this show to begin with. What's worse is that this movie effectively ruins what was the subject of a lot of the humor in the series: the whole Fry/Leela relationship. I won't tell you what happens, I'll just tell you that if you're a Futurama fan, you'll be sad.
I'm sure if you're a fan of this series, you've already seen this movie. If you're not, chances are you don't even know what "Futurama" is, and I definitely don't think this is the place to start. Check out some of the older episodes (I'm sure you can get them on Netflix or probly find them on youtube somewhere). If you like them, join me and countless others as we cross our fingers and hope that the series re-launch will follow the old show episodes and not these sad excuses for movies.
An out-of-work actor who never made it as far as he wanted to go, decides instead to teach drama class at a high school in Tuscon. He hates his job, he hates his life, and he's a really screwed up job. What makes things worse is that they're cutting the arts at his school, so while his theatre class is finally getting more students (since it's the only easy class), his entire program is facing extinction.
I have to be honest, I thought this movie was going to be very funny. You've got the "director" guy from "Tropic Thunder," playing a wash-out, and a bunch of ghetto kids in a theatre class cracking jokes. What's not to like, right?
Wrong. This movie was terrible. It wasn't funny, and I don't know if it was even trying to be. Wait, I think it was because there were a lot of jokes. They just weren't funny. The acting all around was just terrible. It was stiff, it was un-rehearsed, and whenever it involved students it really came across that these were just kids that the producers drove around picking up off the street. "Hey kid, you look ghetto. Wanna be in a movie?" Doesn't really work as well as it sounds.
The sad thing is that this movie COULD have been good, if it had just been able to figure out where it was trying to go. There are inklings of a tragic comedy in here, a-la Will Ferrel or even Napoleon Dynamite. There are little bits of inspiration, a teacher who hates his life but finds renewal in teaching kids how to respect the arts. There's even a big production at the end that could have been nice... but it wasn't. None of these things come to fruition, and so they all suck. The kids are mean and bitter towards the teacher, but in the next scene they want to help him out. The inspiration is so awful that it's hard to even feel bad for the teacher. And the play at the end is so badly written and acted that it's impossible to believe that anyone would give a damn in real life, even if it was their own kids acting in the play. Throw in a flash of the teachers wang, and you've got yourself one crappy movie.
The ONLY good thing in this movie, it's saving grace, is that it has a few parts with Elizabeth Shue, who I must say is looking pretty damn good these days. I think she's my new favorite hot actress, but even she is kinda weird and awkward in this movie. At first I thought it was because she didn't want to do it, but no, I think she really was trying. I mean she kissed the teacher guy, and she used her tongue. My respect for her is dropping pretty quickly so I'm just going to move on.
Don't waste your time/money/life by watching this movie. I guarantee you won't like it. If you do, you're not my friend anymore.
Before I go I just want to touch on something that really irked me and that should stir you up real nice as you continue with the rest of your day. There's a movie coming out called "Death at a Funeral," maybe you've heard of it? The previews are everywhere right now. It honestly looks hilarious, but it also really bothers me, and that's because I believe this movie is racist.
First of all, there's already a movie called "Death at a Funeral." It came out in 2007. So is this a remake? And was it remade so that it could have an almost entirely African American cast? Granted the 2007 version is mostly white, but it just seems to me a little odd to now come out with this version just a few years later. While that is debateable, I also don't agree with the stereotypes in this movie. The white people in this movie, or at least in the preview, look absolutely stupid. I would say that that's a stab at white people, but the thing is, again at least in the preview, the black people are also very stereotypical. So now we're stereotyping everybody? Still, in all honesty, I didn't even feel any kind of racial tension watching this preview until the very end, when it's exposed that the guy who died had a secret love affair with a white midget. I think it was Chris Rock who says "wait, our father had a secret love affair with a dwarf, and you're mad because he's white?"
How is that okay? How is it okay that Chris Rock can make a joke like that, but if it were Dane Cook or Ryan Reynolds, there would be all kinds of uproar about it? This is the double standard which I've talked about before, and which I believe HAS to go away or this country will NEVER move beyond its current state of racism. We could sit here and argue about racism in movies all day, and I won't disagree that there's plenty of anti-african american racism in movies out there... but why does that make it okay for this type of thing to blatantly come out? Why is that funny, while the other thing is offensive? Help me out here people.
Like I said, I'm sure "Death at a Funeral" is going to be hilarious... it has some of the funniest people around in it. And maybe I'm blowing this thing out of proportion, I guess I won't really know until I see the whole movie. All I'm saying is that I think we all now have to be careful about this kind of stuff. If it's not okay for white people to make fun of anyone else (it's not okay, by the way), then it shouldn't be okay for those minorities to make fun of white people... or other minorities either. Come on, can't we all just get along?
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